Clarissa.
22.
23/06/1983.
University Of Sydney.
Sydney, Australia.
hi...
thanks for reading my blog...
do come back again soon..!
Yeah! X'mas is finally here! Another great time of the year to be merry and to find an excuse to get close-ones and friends to give u presents..! People, u get the hint.. Now, start sending me those presents!... hahaBy the way, this picture was taken near Darling Harbour on a nice, beautiful night-out with friends and sis (the angry-teenager one)...
so, he didn't leave without a word after all... but i wish that he had...
Initially, when i thought that he had left without a word, i was upset and was thinking that i rather he let me know what went wrong, than to keep me guessing for the rest of my life. But now that he's back, i realised that i rather not know what had went wrong...
Well.. he said it. Said the words that i feared but was trying very hard to escape from, and not think about-- "i think u like me more than i like u"... "i like u, but i guess it's not like love"... Simple words-- but took me one whole night of crying and thinking to figure out the meaning of it all..
So, this is it, huh? His parting words.. Now u understand what i meant? I rather he had left without saying anything. To actually hear him say those words actually hurts much more than i can imagine. I think the pain i'll go through without knowing what actually went wrong would have been much less. I know, i know-- it's like i'm escaping, not willing to accept reality. But the question is: why should i face reality when it's so BLOODY harsh..!
Makes me wonder though.. then why? Why take my heart, body and soul? Only to say, in the end, that u don't love me? Guys can be so heartless, all they want is no-strings-attached fun, but can't they give a thought for girls who dug out their hearts to love them back?
Now, i don't know what to do anymore.. the truth is right smack in my face, so i can't escape anymore. In the end, he is not my prince, i was too naive. But i guess i don't regret anything, i didn't do anything wrong, because all i did was to fall in love-- only problem is i chose the wrong guy..
The only thing i'm truly thankful about is that my sis is now here with me. Not that she will offer me comfort or a shoulder to cry on. (she's a angry teenager, what do u expect?) But it's just that she refuses to let me talk about it, to cry about it. I guess, in a way, it helps take him off my mind. At the very least, it helped save a bit of my tears. The tears i had shed for him over the months-- i seriously think it's enough to help Australia gets over this drought. A lot, a lot, a lot of wasted tears, which failed to touch his cold, cold heart..
Now, i just want to move on. In a way, i'm getting desperate-- it's like i need a replacement of him in my life, if not, i'll break down. Sometimes, i marvel at how weak i am, and how much i actually allowed myself to fall in love with him. Now, i find it so hard to let go..
Taken from the book "Something about Love" by taiwanese author-- Jimmy:
(roughly translated)
In the late afternoon, the sky filled up with dark, rainy clouds.The irresponsible cupid panicked, and scattered love all around, without thinking. (just to get his job done).There is no quality, but no refunds are allowed...All u people, who had fallen into the river of love, open up your eyes, and protect your integrity...Ok, now i understand-- so, it's not my fault after all (well... it's never my fault.. haha). It's the rain's fault, it's the stupid cupid's fault...
I really must remember to take a umbrella out with me on rainy days... U might want to too, if not, u may just end up like me. And trust me, u won't want to be in my shoes now...
Thank you for reading once again.. I'm going up to the mountains to meditate tomorrow, so, if i managed to get back on time, i may write a blog entry to tell u about my experience..
Ciao! Take care! Do spread some love around, now that X'mas is round the corner, but remember-- do it responsibly..!
Left with no more love to give,
Clare.
posted @ 1:10 AM
Yeah! X'mas is finally here! Another great time of the year to be merry and to find an excuse to get close-ones and friends to give u presents..! People, u get the hint.. Now, start sending me those presents!... haha