Clarissa.
22.
23/06/1983.
University Of Sydney.
Sydney, Australia.
hi...
thanks for reading my blog...
do come back again soon..!
There is hatred only when there is true love in the first place...3 words: I hate him..! The guy whom i had shed tears for countless of times, the one who's always keeping me waiting, constantly yearning for his calls, his sms...
The reason i was holding on, putting all my hopes into this is because he is 'the one' for me! The ideal guy i've always wanted-- Jap, cute, humorous. But it happens that he came with another trait which is not very ideal-- he's always breaking my heart.
He hurted me like it's nothing. He led me on time and again, making me think that something will come out of all these, a possible relationship is in the making, only to take it all away by telling me today, "I'll be going back home before the year ends'...
I wonder when he said that, did he even give a thought to how i feel? Initially, he came on strong, then just when there's signs that i'm into this, he slowly slips away, slowly stop showing interest.. He finds pleasure in doing this? Or is it just me, such a fool, to fall for all his meaningless sweet words? Maybe i wasn't supposed to put true feelings into this? I have absolutely no idea, i'm kinda hoping that he will tell me why he's doing this to me..
It hurts so much, don't even know how to describe how i'm feeling now. *sigh* I guess it's about time i give up on him.. He made me so upset, it hurts even to be alone now, in my own room..
I tried chocolates-- both liquid and solid! Thought eating chocolates is supposed to make me happy? Doesn't seem to be working now..
No point in telling this to my gal-friends too, because i will just cry and cry (again!), and most probably they would just think that i'm stupid. It helped, of cos, to have their company.
My friends are supportive, very very supportive (more than i can ask for, actually). But i'm not a baby, and i'm not expecting them to be with me 24-7, trying to cheer me up or something..
I went into this because i really, really like him, he's all that i'm looking for, and i really really didn't want to let go. But he's letting go now, and that left me with no choice..
It's not going to be easy, i know myself--takes me forever to forget. I'm just hoping that i won't let myself fall too deep into depression in the process, because i've finally figured this out-- he is just not worth it..
Can feel my tears coming again, but i guess this will be the last time i'll be crying for him...
Seriously, if only i could turn back time, i wish he had never came into my life...
P/S: sorry for this super emotional (plus a little dramatic) entry. Guess i've been watching too much anime and it's the constant lack of sleep lah-- turned me into a drama queen.. haha!
Clare.
posted @ 2:35 AM
